I sit like this a lot lately. Not working - intending on it - thinking about it. The furious pace has left me.
Noticing the Shift
I’ve noticed a difference in myself lately. I’m slowing down.
It’s been gradual, but it’s definitely happening - that creeping slide into a quieter pace, one that’s left me less productive than I think I’ve ever been.
I haven’t stopped - far from it - but I’m moving differently now. Not with less purpose, just… less urgency. And I’m starting to suspect it has less to do with motivation and more to do with simply getting a bit older.
My Eyes Are the Messenger
Today in the classroom, I struggled to read numbers from the math textbook. I miswrote algebraic expressions on the board, and no one could solve them. The kids were quick to point out that I’d written them all wrong - and the reason? I couldn’t read the small text properly.
I’ve had perfect eyesight all my life. Suddenly, my body seems to know it's about to turn 47, and it's sending little messages like, “You’re not in your thirties anymore.” It wasn’t a one-off. Yesterday, I couldn’t read some small text either (I hope my sister doesn't read this because I was just boasting to her last week about having perfect eyesight).
It’s disorienting - not just the physical shift, but what it seems to symbolise: a different relationship with time, energy, and capacity.
The Inner Shift
Alongside the physical changes, something emotional is happening too.
There’s a part of me now that doesn’t care about things the way I used to. Not out of apathy - I still care deeply about what matters. But I’m less inclined to get involved. I no longer feel the need to prove myself through constant output.
I want to retreat a little. Chill. Do things at my own pace.
But that slower pace comes at a cost - or at least, a recalibration. Projects are moving more slowly. Goals take longer to reach. And I’ve had to ask myself: Does it matter that I'm slowing down with age?
Who’s Keeping Score?
Does it matter that I’m slower?
Nope.
Does anyone really care?
Only me.
Do I care?
A little - but a lot less than I used to.
And that shift feels oddly liberating. But also scary. Scary because slowing down can feel like falling behind. Scary because it feels like I might never achieve the things I’ve dreamed of.
But… does that matter?
A little. But less than it used to, because maybe my dreams don't feel as important anymore.
A Different Kind of Productivity
Maybe this is what slowing down with age can offer: a different kind of productivity.
One that’s less about doing and more about being.
Less about deadlines. More about depth.
Less pressure. More presence.
Final Thought
So no - I haven’t stopped.
I’ve just stopped sprinting.
Ironically, that feels like a kind of progress. I’ve really let go of some of those brutal expectations I secretly imposed on myself for years.
But saying all of this - I’m still going to try.
I still want to be successful with my Read-Easy work. It's just that success looks a bit different now. It’s softer around the edges. I guess it's more sustainable.
I also still want to get traditionally published. (2026 goal.)
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